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1 Sept 2024

 

To Love And Be Loved

Loveable as they are, children are by Nature quite selfish – if understandably so. Nonetheless, the formation of character and moral values must begin very early in every child’s life. It is the primary responsibility of every parent to stem childhood’s inherent selfishness with love and discipline.

If a child is to overcome the primitive urges of immaturity and become a mentally, emotionally and morally stable adult, then parents must influence the child’s learning … and soon, since learning starts immediately, and never ceases.

Immature impulsivity rules childhood; self-restraint is alien. Thus, every child must be taught effective principles of self-control … practical principles found in the moral Virtues.

• Every child must be taught to choose what is morally right, not merely what is socially preferable or crowd-pleasing.


• Therefore, every child must be taught to choose Goodness over evil, honesty over deceit, self-control over violence, truth over deception, humility over duplicity.


• In practice, this means every child must learn to choose the Virtues (moral and civic) which guide civilized behavior and form mature, responsible adults.

Maturity

Age is no guarantee of maturity. These days, the need to overcome impulsive behavior and to act like an adult applies to many grown-ups as well as children. Many folks old enough to know better still employ selfish wiles of childhood. They, too, must learn how to think, choose and behave like adults. Their lack of self-discipline and avoidance of due diligence result in the moral and social chaos we now behold. For specifics, see: BREAKDOWN IN SOCIAL ORDER PREDICTABLE – Catholic League

So … what does it mean to be a stable, thoughtful adult? What are the attributes and characteristics of such a person?

The hallmark of adult behavior is the choice of Goodness. An adult lives by moral principles, even when the cost is high. And the crowning Virtue is Love in varied forms.

Let’s expand these ideas, starting with our choices in life.

Our Choices

Our choices about what matters in life may be subtle and seemingly minor but, cumulatively, over years, they coalesce, and we thereby become the person we are: i.e., an adult who honors Virtue and adheres to moral principles, or an adult who plateaus at a level of immaturity and denial.

We may impress others with our achievements – for a while. But we are not defined by our material possessions but by the Virtues we reveal in attitude and behavior. We are truly judged by our character and our moral witness – or our lack thereof.

In truth, the person we become is a result of our choices. We always have choices.

1. Some persons choose to look inward and discover that their capacities for Goodness and caring, generosity and courage are unlimited. They see each of us is an uncharted universe, with potential for Goodness unknown even to ourselves. They realize we eventually become (A) a person dedicated to selfish fluff, or (B) a person dedicated to Virtue and Moral Character, dedicated to giving more and taking less for the right reasons.


2. Contrarily, others see life only as an opportunity for self-aggrandizement and pragmatic advantage, even in small matters. They disdain moral limits as archaic and confining. Self-knowledge is fearsome and risky.

Why risky? Because self-knowledge, honestly sought, demands self-restraint and self-improvement. Self-knowledge poses hard questions: “What character faults do I deny? What moral issues do I avoid? How can I give more of myself and take less for myself? What am I doing with my life?”

What Have You Done With Your Life

In his moving Nobel Peace Prize speech, Holocaust survivor Elie Weisel recalls his childhood when wretched tribulation was inflicted on Jewish people. He expresses his childhood horror at the Nazi ghetto, mass deportations, sealed cattle cars, murder of millions. Then, speaking as his child-self, he asks his deceased father: "Can this be true? Who would allow such crimes to be committed? How could the world remain silent?"

Weisel continues: “And now the boy is turning to me. ‘Tell me,’ he asks, ‘what have you done with my future, what have you done with your life?’ And I tell him that I have tried. That I have tried to keep memory alive, that I have tried to fight those who would forget. Because if we forget, we are guilty, we are accomplices. And then I explain to him how naive we were, that the world did know and remained silent…”

T’is a stinging question: What have you done with your life? But, like it or not, it is a question which confronts every person:

• After decades of choices, what sort of person have I become?


• Where do my priorities now rest?


• What Virtues do I practice - or do I scoff at the question?

The determining factor for an adult is not - is not - how we are loved or how we gratify ourselves, but how we, as mature adults, have learned:

• to give more of ourselves and to take less,


• to forgive the foibles of others,


• to honor Goodness, altruism and empathy,


• to love family and strangers and the multitude of other human beings … and,


• to love and respect ourselves in proper (not selfish) ways.

Our First Need: To Be Loved

One choice we always have is to love this badly tattered world by acts of kindness. Easy to say but, in practice, this means loving the people we daily encounter, even the unlovable and indifferent. It matters not whom we encounter: it is a universal truth: everyone is born to be loved.

Note well: I did not say we are born to love others. Loving others is learned. To become a loving person is a difficult choice, but it is also goal of a lifetime, the fulness of maturity.

Note well: So, we learn to love others, but we are born to be loved. From infancy, we need sustenance, security and the unquestioned acceptance (some call it “unconditional love”) of another person. We need to be loved and to know we are loved.

If we are blessed with caring parents, the love we naturally crave is immediately forthcoming: we know we are wanted by those who gave us life. This awareness of being loved reveals to us, for the first time, the crowning Virtue of Love.

However, if we are deprived of the love we crave, history reports the endless substitutes to which unloving human nature is drawn. Some are ruinous to whole nations. For example, consider the callous absurdity of celebrating abortion which - like the Holocaust - deliberately eradicates “unwanted” innocent, unloved children, and calls abortion a human “right.” The Exultant Nature of Today’s Abortion Advocacy | Carl R. Trueman | First Things

Practical Aspects Of Loving Others

So, what’s involved in being a mature, loving adult? What are some of the practical criteria?

Let’s begin with Generosity of Heart and Strength of Soul. In this context, being a loving person means (1) giving more of one’s self than asked or expected, and (2) taking less for oneself than one is allowed to take.

Giving more of one’s self means giving more than possessions or things. It also refers to our motives and intentions. For example, some needy people relish the spotlight, so they try to impress others. It’s their way of assuaging their ego’s needs. However, years of attending to their ego may hide the truth, so they may object: “What’s wrong with impressing folks, basking in the spotlight and taking credit?”

Here’s the point: A needy ego is, by definition, driven by a measure of immaturity. The more we cater to needy ego’s promptings, the less able we are rise to the demands which define mature adults who neither need nor seek applause.

Taming one’s ego to become a loving person is a strength, not a weakness. A loving adult doesn’t seek shallow approval. In fact, a loving adult is often called to act with determination and courage in defense of the principles he embraces. He is not ruled by needy ego, but by moral principles.

Principles

The most effective, practical principles which history proclaims are stated in the Christian Virtues, especially the Virtue of Charity, which defines many facets of Love, both Divine and human.

Let us be clear: Christian Charity means love of God, love of one’s self and love for other persons. This Virtue of Charity - of Love - is essential for human development. That’s why Love has many ways to express itself to God, self and neighbor.

What does all this mean in the real, day-to-day world? Here are practical examples of the Virtue of Love in action:

• Love urges us to do what is morally correct, not merely what is socially acceptable, politically pragmatic or ego-centric;


• Love expresses Gratitude for life, even when times are difficult and temptations nag;


• Love does not deprecate or humiliate anyone, especially to assert our “superiority;”


• When appropriate, Love listens attentively to others with eyes as well as ears, and does not give in to distractions;


• Love listens to others with the heart, realizing that others have their own needs and hopes;


• Love does not manipulate others so we look good, nor exploit others for gain (no lying, cheating or stealing);


• Love gives of one’s self as well as one’s possessions, aware of the privilege of sharing time and life with another person;


• Love expresses gratitude for the truth, even when the truth is painful, for Love does not thrive in an aura of untruth;


• Love is never rude nor self-seeking nor hateful in speech;


• Love is not prone to anger or haughty pretense;


• Love does not brood over injury nor ponder vengeance;


• Love does not delight in the pain of others;


• Love submerges selfish desires for the good of others;


• Love accepts accountability for one’s behavior and takes responsibility for what one says and does;


• Love offers support where none was found before;


• Love is patient and always kind … always kind;


• Love admits wrongdoing and is quick to ask pardon when offense is given;


• Love is not jealous nor snobbish nor given to envy;


• Love is not quick to take insult nor to defend oneself, because listening may be more beneficial than protecting oneself from hard truths …

Siempre Adelante

To be a loving adult asks lot of anyone. But it is surely the way God intends us to be, and we trust God knows what He is doing.

The path of Virtue is always before us, and our choice is now, not later. Our imperfections may cloud our belief that God awaits our choice, but the path of Virtue still beckons, whether we choose it or not. We are, of course, wise to choose Virtue, for the alternative is denial, avoidance and darkness.

So, we go ever forward in Faith and in Hope, trusting God’s Love to sustain us as we persevere, despite travail. We know our world will pass away, but Faith, Hope and Love shall endure. And, above all else, the greatest of these is Love, to which we are called.