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15 Nov 2024

 

As The Years Roll By

“Age has its prerogatives” (or so says the adage), one of which is that we Elders (not “Old Folks,” please) have a storehouse of Wisdom accumulated over our length of years. I say “our years” because my age surely qualifies me as an Elder. My “four-score-and-ten-plus years” is a quasi-Lincolnesque way of laying claim to the assumed Wisdom rummaging about my brain. So, herewith, I share a few lessons learned over decades.

For Starters …

I learned long ago that we all have quirks, fits of temperament and defects of character - our share of vices as well as Virtues. Every person has instincts, impulses and behavior patterns which necessitate (1) self-control and moral discipline, (2) awareness of our responsibilities to one another, (3) a heart-beyond-pettiness to inspire us to seek Goodness, and (4) a sense of accountability which honors conscience over convenience and conceit.

Our vices and failings are usually obvious to others, but we are often blind to them … or deny they exist. Vanity looms large, haughtiness o’ershadows truth, and some people like it that way.

We may possess good will and a decent heart, but errant pride can still delude us for years, to the point that we become touchy and defensive even in family, resistant to well-meant comments, loathe to face our foibles lest we seem weak or be laughed at, entrenched in denial. But denial sets a trap for soul and psyche.

Still, many persist in denial. Admitting error takes a lot of courage and humility. Vices are painful to acknowledge, costly to the ego. Some people take years to see that it is better to admit truth than hide from it. As Thomas Paine observed in 1776, “Time makes more converts than reason.”

It Gets Personal

Our quirks and vices may seem unimportant to us, but they can become much more than minor bumps along life’s path. If we persist in denial and shove our wayward pride into a dark corner of our psyche, it still lingers and does not just go away.

In fact, some quirks eventually cycle into discomforting conditions of mind and heart. They bring considerable disruption, anxiety and distrust into our lives, and taint our relationships even with those who love us. Sadly, it is difficult to sustain love for someone whom we cannot trust.

However, on the upbeat side, our vices (large or small) can be of immense value … if they inspire us to ask ourselves:

• what worthy ideals (or lack thereof) do I hold,


• how can I improve my various relationships,


• how do I treat others,


• what messages do I send by my attitudes and behavior.

Our vices may also move us to face life’s ultimate questions:

• what moral beliefs serve as my guiding First Principles,


• how am I choosing to live each day, and


• what do I truly believe about life, others and myself.

Elie Wiesel wrote that “each of us must make the choice between inflicting suffering and humiliation on our fellow man and offering him the solidarity and hope he deserves.”

Science Is Not Enough

We search for answers in myriad ways. As a psychologist, I learned diagnostic categories and treatment strategies for a variety of troublesome vices, intrusive quirks and psychic tics (often the stuff of stubborn neuroses). However, decades of experience have also taught me that our quirks and vices are not merely clinical categories befitting the psychologist’s trade.

The many vices, weaknesses and temptations to which we humans are heir are also conditions of soul. Accordingly, we must consider issue of character, conscience, principles of right and wrong behavior … and the moral vision underlying both.

As conditions of soul, our vices and weaknesses also indicate our inherent need for a stable and practical code of thought and action. We need a worldview by which, as Wiesel says, we can “distinguish the path to Good from the one leading to evil.”

In addition, we should not forget nor deny that behavior and human affairs are intrinsically moral. This means we influence others, as they influence us. Our mutual impact may be for better or worse, subtle or fleeting … but it may also last a lifetime.

Given our universal weaknesses and inclinations to selfishness, it is obvious that we require a code of moral behavior which clearly identifies Good from evil for all of us, not just for a few.

It follows that we cannot settle for a subjective, strictly personal code of morality. We require a universal moral order which can guide us in our daily lives and in all human affairs. We need a set of moral First Principles to guide us all … First Principles by which we gauge our character, our conscience and our behavior as individuals, as families and as nations.

What Does “Moral” Really Mean ?

The word “moral” always refers to our behavior as virtuous or evil from God’s point of view – not ours. We exist in a moral universe (even if some people deny it). In the moral context, Virtue and the Soul, character and conscience, sin and grace, good and evil, right and wrong all make sense - not because I say so, but because God says so, time after time throughout History.

The determination of good and evil is not a subjective, personal decision. Knowledge of good and evil does not originate in human beings. Good and evil are not to be decided by each person for him/herself. Moral relativism and subjective morality are paths to destruction for self and society, as History constantly reveals.

Nonetheless, at the simple mention of God, some people turn away, unwilling to admit their status as created beings, quick to disdain God’s code of morality. Nevertheless, the determination of moral good and moral evil is, first and last, in God’s Hands, not ours. And there are abundant sources which spell out the terms of God’s wishes.

God ? Yes, God …

So, attention to our moral responsibilities begins with our Faith in God. For those who deny Faith, life is an up-for-grabs existence; everyone is out for himself. Nothing is sacred. No one matters except that individual, who has no obligation to anyone except himself. But his denial of God proves futile, especially given the gravity of the issues and (to borrow a phrase from Joseph Ellis), “the self-evident character of the principals at stake.”

Nevertheless, some people behave as if morality is solely up to them. Their guiding principles of right-and-wrong are their own sense of entitlement. Their idea of morality is rooted in their feelings, unbounded urges, self-righteous judgments … and their pride run amok. They have no use for the Ten Commandments or for Virtues of Faith, Hope and Charity, Prudence, Justice, Fortitude and Temperance. Their resist any rein on their “rights,” even the rights of others (abortion is a prime example).

When we rely solely on our own sense of morality, chaos ensues. History is witness to the folly of moral personalism which is, of course, an irresponsible path to moral and social chaos.

History repeatedly insists that human activity must be guided by objective standards of morality, not subjective, he-said-she-said accommodations to fads which change with the seasons. Sacrifice is often involved; so what? Sacrifice is central to peace of soul and goodness of heart. A life which is lived without giving to others - and to God - is an empty life.

What Works ?

After decades of experience, I have also learned that the Christian worldview of morality is superior to all other systems (some of which encourage hatred and justify revenge). The Christian worldview stands alone. Here’s what I mean.

The objective order of Christian morality is established by God, not by us. It is revealed to us through our own human nature as well as through Scripture, Gospels and Parables, centuries of Tradition, prayer and the Virtues of the Christian worldview – all to bolster self-restraint and promote our Faith in the Giver of Life.

The Christian model provides moral precepts and behavioral paths which clarify the three major aspects of our lives:

1. How we relate to one another and to the society we create with one another in marriage, family, community, nation;


2. how we relate to ourselves and what we do with our own lives, i.e., the kind of person we choose to become; and


3. how we develop and sustain our relationship with God, Who is, without doubt, our Creator.

Finally …

The Christian worldview is guided by the Theological Virtues of Faith, Hope and Charity (i.e., Love for God and one another, rightly understood), and the Moral Virtues of Prudence, Justice, Fortitude and Temperance. The light of Wisdom (God’s version of common sense) is found in these Virtues. Here’s a brief example:

In the context of Faith, the psychological technique of “attentive listening” also involves the Virtues of Charity (giving your close attention), Prudence (good timing) and Temperance (self-restraint, not haranguing the other with only your thoughts).

In the Christian worldview, every moment and every encounter are opportunities to express Virtue and, thus, to live a life of generous giving, of prayer and goodness inspired by Faith.

With Faith, nothing is insignificant when it is done with the intention of responding to the Love of God. Small acts become deeds of worship, gratitude and humility … deeds of heart-felt Hope. Done with that intention, nothing in life is irrelevant.

Faith tells us that, despite set-backs of every kind, we are Beloved of God. Faith brings the Love of God alive in our lives and moves us to love others in proper ways – even without acknowledgement or praise. Hope and Charity become realities which change heart and minds.

Even reading a blog like this one, if done with gratitude to God, is just such a moment.

But enough … you get the idea.