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1 Jun 2026

 

Love And Loving: An Elder’s Reflections

My many years have revealed much to me about our shared human condition. Of the lessons I have learned over my decades, one stands out with repetitive insistence: the call for all of us to become a Loving Person. This is the greatest challenge we face.

The term “Loving Person” may sound odd to our sophisticated ear, but we have endless choices about who we are and how we behave … and History’s message is consistent: When we ignore the canons of Love’s primacy, we regress to savagery, sometimes overtly, sometimes with buffered intent. But the undeniable Truth is that we are all capable of great Goodness or great harm.

I am, therefore, persuaded that we are all called - by God and Nature - to be Loving Persons, not egocentric manipulators nor self-serving snobs nor embittered loners, but Loving Persons who act with steady heart to express sincere regard for one another.

Freedom . . . And Price

We are all blessed – as well as limited – by the gift of our freedoms which Nature bestows. But there’s a price for these gifts: We are personally responsible (as individuals and as members of family and community) for the outcomes of our choices and for what we do with our freedoms.

In fact, our moral and social maturity is measured in terms of our responsible behavior. This means we are accountable to God and to our neighbor for what we say and what we do, for what we become and what we are … to this very moment.

Being responsible for our behavior upsets some people who rage self-righteously against accountability. But wiser folks realize that honoring Nature’s social and moral limits is (or should be) an obligation and an opportunity.

Why opportunity?

Because each of us is an uncharted universe, unknown even to ourselves. In most instances, we have only an imperfect understanding of self, of others, of Creation and of life itself.

Should … Or Not

Thus, to guide human behavior, both God and society developed a cadre of “shoulds, i.e., moral and social standards. “Shoulds” taught us several insights: (1) Right-and wrong exist; (2) we must do the “Right thing;” (3) we will pay a price for our mis-behavior.

These “shoulds” were once widely-accepted norms of moral and social behavior … but a problem has arisen. The “shoulds” have lost moral and social impact; they’re now out of style -- and we are a wounded society for lack of guidance.

Right-and-wrong exist, but many people ignore this fact, listen only to their feelings and urges, do as they please and refuse accountability. Nonetheless, Right-and-wrong exist despite denial.

If we honor Truth, we shall learn much about the human condition and about ourselves. And we shall also learn much about Love in Creation, in human affairs and in our lives.

Love And Need

Learning Truth is only part of our challenge. Our next step is to listen to Truth as it applies to us, then to do what’s necessary, changing what we must change about ourselves … and paying the price to become a Loving Person.

Choosing to become a Loving Person is complicated by our own life-long need for Love, care and attention. Our need for Love begins in the womb and extends to elderhood’s last days, when inevitability comes with each breathe.

Some people express skepticism about the belief that our need for Love is at the core of our human condition. It is apropos, then, for us to specify some of Love’s traits which our human condition seeks. Therefore, let us speak of character traits which the Loving Person possesses and review Love’s many faces in our lives.

Love’s Fundamentals

To begin with, to be a Loving Person is a life-choice, repeated many times each day. Our emotions are often an obstacle to moral action. Why? Because without a moral compass to guide us, we are prone to justify our vices to ourselves and defend our indefensible words and deeds.

For example, we may wish ill to those who deliberately offend us. But a Loving Person recognizes and confronts his/her temptation to think ill of others and retaliate against them.

Thus, a Loving Person does not harbor pettiness, does not demean or humiliate anyone, does not seek spiteful retribution for offenses knowingly given. Truth is often evident, so we need not selfishly adorn it with the tempting tinsel of our snide insults or deprecatory comments.

Forgiveness of others is also part of Love’s identity. We may not forget the hurt which others inflict on us, but forgiving them is still essential. Sometimes, an offender will not ask forgiveness, and Trust may be shattered … but Forgiveness must still be extended, if known only in the heart of the Loving Person.

Communicating And Listening

The Loving Person values Trust, and knows that Communication is essential for building Trust. Trust is even more crucial when we commit ourselves to others, as in Marriage and family. We cannot Love someone whom we do not Trust. Effective Communication is, therefore, essential in human affairs, especially in the family, where Trust must also reside.

It is wise to remember that We Cannot NOT Communicate. We are born to communicate. Discussing issues openly and facing conflict are crucial to Trust. Trust is impossible when anyone avoids Communication to escape accountability.

Part of effective Communication is Intensive Listening. A Loving Person listens intensely with his eyes as well as his ears, his heart as well as his mind. To listen intensely offers support to the other person, especially when the person is in need. Intensive Listening is an altruistic expression that the other is valued.

Intensive Listening can extinguish loneliness, if only temporarily, especially for others who are unloved and lonely. In fact, the Loving Person recognizes that much of humanity (especially the homeless and forlorn) is unloved, isolated, unappreciated, wanting to be cared for, to be accepted – and, somehow, told so (as we all hope for).

Finally . . .

The Loving Person is patient and kind. He is not envious nor proud nor boastful. He does not dishonor others, and does not indulge in wayward pride or self-seeking. He is slow to anger and forgives wrongs. He rejoices in Truth and perseveres in Faith and Hope, even in his darkest hours of doubt and fear.

Sound familiar?

It is not without reason that Christ calls Himself the Way, the Truth and the Life. He is the Exemplar and Model of a Loving Person.

No doubt, the road we follow sometimes demands sacrifices and heartfelt losses, as did His. It is a shame, then, that unbelievers, cynics and skeptics fault the example of Christ as ridiculous myth, especially in our world in which ego-centric individualism and arrogance have caused so much needless pain.

Nonetheless, beyond all else, the Life, Death and Resurrection of Christ is lasting testament to the age-old prayer of gratitude - and relief - which echoes from Psalm 136 into the hopes and hearts of all who persevere in Faith: ”Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His Love endures forever.”