19 Jun 2026

Finding Meaning

Not long ago, a reader told me that after her husband of 45 years unexpectedly died, her life cycled into endless emptiness, without point or purpose or meaning. She experienced no emotional relief, as she trudged into despair, which became her norm.

I listened cautiously, carefully, to her revelation. At first, someone might think she was motivated merely by self-pity. Not so. The paralyzing effects of the unexpected loss of a Beloved Spouse is life’s most painfully lingering events. We who mourn are stunned into inertia, emotionally challenged as never before. The death of a loved one creates intellectual and emotional imbalance for all.

So, as I listened, I wondered what might I say to solace this deeply grieving woman or ease her pain? How might I help her find meaning in her grief? Then it struck me that whatever authentic concern I might offer her was already present in my attentive behavior and my unfeigned empathy.

The Fact Of Life

When we grieve, we struggle within ourselves for control and clarity of some sort. Therefore, in times of loss, the supportive power of our authentic compassionate attention must never be underestimated. At times of loss, we do indeed need one another.

It is difficult to keep our perspective when we grieve, difficult to remember that death is part of life’s first and final call. And, alone, it is difficult to remember that death is that moment in which our personal call to Sanctity is realized in its fullest meaning.

The word “Sanctity” is strange to our modern ear, its usage rare. We never speak of “Sanctity” as a goal uniting all people. But no other word so befits our universal call to Goodness and Virtue which defines our character and benefits all of humanity.

• What other word than “Sanctity” is as precise in its historical and practical consequences?
• What other word better describes our ultimate purpose in life?
• What other word summarizes our responsibilities for the way we should choose to live?

Indeed, Brown University Historian Gordon Wood (whose honors are too numerous to list) has said that “If the study of history teaches anything, it teaches us the limitations of life. It ought to produce Prudence and Humility.”

The Logic Of Life

If we think about it, all of this (including Virtues of Prudence and Humility, and our ultimate goal of Sanctity) makes no sense without (1) Faith in God, (2) Hope inspired by the promises of Christ and (3) the supportive presence of clear-headed others.

It is evident that life’s considerable limitations - starting with our own shortcomings - prove that we need enlightened others who recognize God’s sovereignty. We need faithful companions to help us listen to Reason; to help us see Truth beyond life’s alluring facades of comfort and wealth; to assist us in our vulnerability as we journey to our Creation’s homeland.

We certainly need one another’s support to sustain us as we seek to transform our hearts and minds and wills in Faith and Hope; as we move inexorably to our final goal of Sanctity. We need the strength of others whose fidelity and example are uncluttered by the arrogance of self-righteous denial.

The Ulma Family: An Example

How does Sanctity find its way into this world? I offer one extraordinary example: the lives of Jozef and Victoria Ulma and their seven children (details of their lives are on the Internet).

Jozef and Viktoria married on July 7, 1935, then lived on their small farm in the village of Markowa, Poland. They had six children: Stanisława (at 7, the eldest), Barbara, Władysław, Franciszek (who was 3), their 2-year-old son Antoni, and Maria (who was 1 year old). In the Spring of 1944, they awaited their unborn child of 8 months.

The Ulmas were active Catholics in the Church of Saint Dorothy in Markowa. They soon developed a reputation for family life centered around their Faith and their service to others.

During the Nazi occupation of Poland (which began in September 1939), the Ulma Family chose to hide eight Jewish persons in their home – obviously, at considerable risk. Eventually, on March 24, 1944, the Ulma Family was betrayed and, with the Jewish persons they were hiding, they were all executed by German military forces. This included all the Ulma children – even the unborn child whom Viktoria carried.

These murders were meant to dissuade neighbors from hiding Jews. Yet, but villagers continued to hide Jewish fugitives, and 21 Jews survived in Markowa during the Nazi occupation.

Finally . . .

Perhaps some readers might fault the example of the Ulma Family. After all, a critic might say, we are not asked to follow a martyr’s path. After all, a skeptic might add, we do live in a civilized nation in which believers are not slaughtered. We are an enlightened society; we’re safe from intrusive crime and alien violence (at least some of us are).

If we’re honest with ourselves, we’ll acknowledge that we do live in a nation in which God is often ignored, in which revealed standards of morality are regarded as passe, with no binding authority; a nation which is - perhaps unknowingly - already accepting the tenets of a dark and worrisome future.

So, despite differences, the commitment of the Ulma Family to doing the Right Thing under impossible circumstances seems most appropriate and befitting human nature’s call to Sanctity … no matter what the challenges we face … starting with our own needs and doubts, our own weaknesses and temptations.

Finally, as I reflect on the courage and fidelity of the Ulma Family and the Sanctity for which we have all been created, I am moved to consider these thoughts: