14 Sept 2026

Love’s Wearying Rewards

The word “Love” - in its various distorted forms - is the most overused word in our language.

Examples of how we commonly abuse the word “Love” are plentiful: “I love good food and warm weather and fluffy kitties and old movies and my fifty best friends … and I love my family, too.” We’re also told we must “love our neighbor.” Even if our neighbor is an uncivil grump, love ‘em, anyway. That’s a load of lovin’.

Let’s take a brief look at what’s really involved in Loving and being a loving person? Let me offer some reflections on this most basic (but often confounding) human endeavor.

The Practical Side Of Loving

As I say, the word “Love” is constantly misunderstood and misused. Many folks think it refers merely to feelings of affection or emotional attraction or sexual activity. But we all know such attraction is often brief, a flaccid excuse for “skin-deep” seductive interludes which involve no fidelity or sacrifice.

So, True “Love” is not merely feelings of affection for others or merely an emotional high. To be a loving person is, above all, to be involved in the mutually-intimate search for the Virtue of Understanding and the sacrifices this entails.

Understanding? Yes. We all search for Understanding about (1) the point and purpose of life itself and (2) the necessity of gladly making sacrifices for the sake of a lasting relationship.

True Love inspires our universal search which motivates all human activity. It is a search in which the sacred nature of Intimacy is revealed to us, and the necessity of our sacrifice comes into realistic focus. In this sense, then, True Love is often painfully costly in terms of our growth … and our eventual loss.

The Virtue Of Understanding

When we say Love is a search for Understanding we refer to our universal human longing (1) to be understood and (2) to understand ourselves and others.

We all strive to be understood by someone who does not taunt us for our weaknesses or dismiss us for our failings. We all search for someone who accepts us in our struggles and who, in some authentic fashion, expresses his/her acceptance of us.

In our search (if we’re honest) we always must face the Truth about ourselves. Facing Truth means admitting our self-deluding excuses which many of us cling to for a lifetime.

We will pay a price for such honesty with ourselves … but, as we struggle within ourselves, we realize that if we are to reach Understanding, then we must make some changes, such as:

• stop avoiding responsibility,
• recognizing how shallow our ego’s pretensions may be,
• learning to reveal ourselves,
• dropping our facades,
• emerging from behind the masks we wear,
• being unafraid of rejection, even in small things.

Understanding and being understood are essential for lasting Intimacy, which has nothing to do with “recreational sex.” Indeed, a mature view of Intimacy reveals (among other insights) that sex within a marital relationship is Nature’s doorway to family life.

As we pursue our search, the language of mature Love becomes clear to us. Understanding inevitably follows … and, with it, a clarity of mind and heart which are quite liberating, as reverence for Truth brings with it reverence for the Virtue of Candor.

Benefits Of Candor

Not everyone is willing to pay the price to be understood and accepted. Some folks are unwilling to understand and accept even themselves as well as others. They are often threatened by the demands of Understanding, which involves Truth and Trust, Candor and Honesty, Empathy and Forgiveness and Altruism … in other words, the qualities of True Love in action.

These qualities have social and cultural value, to be sure, but they are, by their origin and their nature, Divine Virtues … yes, Virtues, despite secular disdain which is all-too-real in our culture.

Nonetheless, secular disdain cannot stifle the fact that the Virtues of Understanding, Trust and Truth are at the core of marriage, i.e., the intimate relationship of true Love and profound friendship which Marriage offers mankind.

A Loving Marriage builds upon (1) the depth of the Virtues shared by the couple, and true Friendship – not in the simplistic sociable sense but in the union of mind-and-heart which the Virtue of Understandings and Intimacy impart when Trust and Truth, Forgiveness and Candor are integral to the relationship.

Problems And Benefits

Studies tell us that the number of marriages (civil and religious) are declining. Moreover, many marriages do not last. Single parenthood is now common, which raises the serious issue of child-rearing in a culture which clearly has lost its sense of reverence for marriage, family, children … even for life itself.

In our present socially-unstable context, the definition of True Love is easily lost. But a solid marriage gives meaning to the roles, responsibilities, identities and protections of everyone in our culture. The roles of husband and wife, father and mother, son and daughter, grandparents and grandchildren are clear.

Thus, True Love which is sturdy and courageous has immense payoff for the couple, for their family and for the relationships and identities that form around them. In addition, True Love has undeniable significance in society, in education, in the formation of Truth and Virtue across the business and political spectrum.

True Love A Myth ?

Some critics dismiss the sacred nature of True Love in marriage and family life. To some Modernists, these Virtues are nothing but a moralistic rant against other issues (e.g., “shacking up”). They dismiss History as well as the language of mature love.

For example, take a look at the moral tone of our society. Are we awash in True Love? Does the expression of secular will – free of its Christian roots – support lasting relationships, go beyond fleeting emotions of the moment, bolster fidelity? I think not.

Clearly, human freedom does not spring from a secular sense of liberality. Human freedom is (and must me) rooted in adherence to law … especially to Divine Law.

Divine Law is a gift – given to each of us by our Maker, written in each soul. BUT … we are also given the gift of freedom to accept or to reject the limits and the terms of these gifts. When we choose to ignore the limits of our nature, we actually deprive ourselves God’s presence in our search for True Love.

We forget – or deny – that we’re creatures of our Maker, dependent on God for our very existence. By trying to go our own way without God, we disregard our Maker’s wishes and thereby separate ourselves from the Source of True Love.

T’is no wonder we manufacture many self-aggrandizing myths and facades: the Truth about our ego’s folly is an embarrassing reality. But the more we are true to ourselves (as Polonius said), the more we face the point of our existence.

The Point . . . Finally

Given the centrality of True Love in human life, Christians firmly believe that the Sacrament of Matrimony - marriage - is a sacred calling for a man and a woman. It is not merely a societal construct. It is a vocation in which a man and a woman are invited to respond to each other for a lifetime, through a process of Intimacy, with the goal of Understanding the Goodness of God.

To the Christian, the Sacrament of Matrimony - marriage - is the journey of two people responding to the grace of God through the intercession of Christ Who sustains them, Who aids their recovery when they fall, Who forgives and is, thus, a model of forgiveness for one another, and Who shares their mutual burdens.

It is through the Fidelity and Love of God through His Son that Love enters our world … via the love of two people who gradually become lovers in the truest sense of that word.