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19 Nov 2025

 

Empathy And Its Offspring

A neighbor recently delivered a letter wrongly deposited in his mailbox. To some, this may seem insignificant, but I was impressed by his thoughtful gesture. His kindness reminded me of how often we take one another for granted. We forget that our shared humanity binds us as Children of our Creator, so it is reassuring to appreciate kindness in this world.

Indeed, acts of kindness (and unkindness) do stand out when we consider Creation which, to some, seems random and chaotic, an impersonal Mystery. Space and time are infinite, and science cannot yet explain “dark” matter or “dark” energy or gravity.

Here's another example. A colossal expenditure of energy was sighted in 2018. This “flare” (as scientists call it) originated in a supermassive black hole and shone with the brightness of 10 trillion suns (yes, trillion). The black hole where this “flare” occurred is about 500 million times more massive than our sun, and resides 10 billion (yes, billion) light-years from us.

Creation (including us) is a truly awesome Mystery. In fact, Mystery is a constant in our lives.

The Creation Mystery

Some scientists once taught that materialistic evolution disproved God’s existence. But science, common sense and Revelation now tell us that everything in Creation has a beginning and an end … and a Creator. Today, a host of scientific resources hold that God alone is the Creator of the Universe.

Thus, Creation is not a random event. It is the direct result of a Divine decision. This is not only a matter of Faith; scientific evidence insists upon a Creator, Who is the origin of Creation - including you and me. God is our First and Final Cause; we depend on His Will, given to us through Revelation.

Above all else, Revelation announces that our eternal obligation is to love God, ourselves and our neighbor in due and proper ways. There’s no way around this Divine Command.

Back To The Knock On My Door

So, compared to the Mysteries of Creation and Revelation, my neighbor’s knock at my door seems insignificant … or is it?

Since Revelation teaches that loving God, self and one another constitute the Law of Love, this is our true role in Creation.

1. Loving God seems easiest of the three.


2. Loving myself is more complex, since I’m prone to self-deluding temptations and asides of all sorts.


3. Loving others gets difficult. Some people seem eager to be disliked . . . but we must still love them.

So, how do we enliven this Law of Love? We cannot control the Will of God, but we can control ourselves, our motives and our behavior as our way of honoring and obeying the Law of Love.

One of the grand ways to do this is to exercise the Virtue of Empathy. Indeed, Empathy (and other Virtues, too) set humanity apart in Creation. Why? Because Empathy is our deliberate choice, freely made, by which we love others - even strangers.

What Is Empathy

As a psychological trait, Empathy may be defined by two words: “As If.” We try to perceive events “as if” we were the other person, ”as if” we were seeing life from their perspective.

But as a Virtue, what is Empathy? How do we get beyond the dips and hollows of Psychology?

Here’s how:

We follow the example of Christ to guide our relationships and to express kindness and understanding. We choose the Virtue of Empathy as our way of honoring the Law of Love.

• We seek the Virtue of Empathy to unite ourselves with the Empathy of Christ and His Divine Humanity.


• We seek the Virtue of Empathy to overcome our own urges to return insult for insult, anger for anger, hurt for hurt.


• Empathy is one way in which we seek Christian integrity.

Without Christ’s example, we are dazed and confused. Thus, we seek the forbearance and understanding Christ brought to most of His encounters.

To be sure, we are not passive when others express despair or violence, confusion or hatred. When necessary, we confront others about the consequences of moral indifference.

The Hard Part

Be clear: We are to love others BUT … with due regard and proper moral restraint. This includes not only those who love us back and are kind to us. It also includes people who make their enmity known, those who delight in doing harm, ego-centrists who respect no one. Obviously, loving such folks is contrary to normal human emotion, subject to the disdain of others or contrary to our desire for revenge or violence.

Sure, it can be painful to love our “enemies,” painful to return the disfavor of others with prayerful concern, painful to be misunderstood. Nevertheless, we are called to love even the unlovable. Loving others - even when it’s painful - comes with Faith. That’s how we Christians make sense of Creation.

So, despite the hurdles, Christians are still called to be lovers of God, self and one other. And this is where the Virtue of Empathy informs our lives for the better, and aids us in our Faith’s quest toward Christian integrity.

Some Cautions

The practical application of Empathy in real life demands some essential cautions.

Remember that our motives change the nature of our actions. If we employ Empathy (or any Virtue) for the wrong reason, we change the nature of our behavior. Thus:

1. Empathy must not be used to “psyche out” someone else, to show how tough we are, or to impress others.


2. Empathy is not a game to “one-up” others.


3. Empathy must not be used to humiliate others.


4. Empathy must not be used to appear that we read minds or “see” the hidden motives of others.


5. Empathy is never passive about evil or violence. We may be empathic to another’s pain, but Empathy never encourages thoughts or behavior which harms others.

Empathy is not a tool of our ego’s wayward strivings. It must arise as a response to the Law of Love. If we use Empathy as a clever technique, we sully our motivation from the start. So let’s be clear: our motivation has direct bearing on the nature of our behavior.

We human beings are prone to self-delusion; we often obscure our true motives even from ourselves. Thus, we are also capable of misunderstanding or mis-using moral principles, as when a Church leader depicts equivalency between valid immigration policy and a pro-abortion stance.

Empathy neither cancels valid laws nor overwhelms the government’s legitimate moral right to regulate its affairs. So, as countries rightfully secure their borders, immigrants must be treated humanely and justly. But immigrants must also respect the laws and culture of the nation into which they seek inclusion.

One more admonition: “Know thyself.” We are wise to face the truth about our weaknesses even before we act or speak. We thereby deepen our Faith, enliven our spiritual honesty, and enrich our psychological resources upon which Empathy rests.

Finally . . .

Finally, Empathy involves Intensive Listening to others with our eyes as well as our ears. We pay full attention to the other person; no distractions or tinkling cell phones. We listen to the mind and heart (as well as to the words) of the person, because giving one’s self so attentively is a truly precious gift.

The best practical model of Empathy is the loving, listening, intensive example of Christ. True, His Way is often fraught with disdain and misunderstanding. Christ’s path has never been smoothly paved. Consequently, Empathy is not achieved without cost to those who seek it … and therein rests its value.

One final comment: Consider the alternatives, which include self-righteous encapsulation and spiritual poverty. Who needs either?